I wanted to write a blog called “Switchboard of Importance,” but I didn’t have time this week.
Hence this blog instead.
Today is Friday and I was so excited that it’s the weekend. It’s been a really busy week. I couldn’t wait to have some time to:
take a breath
plan my week
catch up on my numbers for next week
And really just let my hair down. Sounds great, right?
Then I realized that this weekend AND the next weekend I am completely booked up. Now, mind you, I chose these activities. I enjoy these activities.
And yet, here I am, in my mind, wondering how I’m going to “survive” the weekend, “survive” the next week, “survive the next weekend, etc……….
Like I’m rowing a boat across the Atlantic and there is no end in sight. I will ENDURE the next two weeks because I don’t have a block of time for myself. Victimized by my own schedule that I put together. Suffering through it as if it has been DONE to me.
I’ll be in my beach house, listening to the waves and watching the water, doing something I find fascinating, with people I love to spend time with, AND YET…….it seems like I can’t be happy because I can’t see a two hour block of time to do what I need to do.
The reason I’m writing this is to see how I can Create My Life the way I want it, instead of suffering through it unconsciously.
I can enjoy my morning time that I DO have before things get started
I can make a list of what will make me feel productive to do even though I’m busy
I can talk to my friends about what I’m up to and see if they know resources that I can network with to further my projects along
I can listen to them and create more connection and love
I can CONSIDER signing up for a dating site (I’m not saying I will, but a guy friend told me about a free one that he is enjoying – again, no promises)
I can stop worrying about my messy home or whether I bought the right food
I can sit outside when I want to
I can work on my puzzle when I want to
I can ask for help with my party that’s coming up in two weeks
I can freak out about my upcoming BIG birthday if I damn well need to and I don’t have to listen to people say it’s no big deal, be happy, etc. – FUCK THAT
I can BE FREE – which to me means be any which way I am at the moment – and NOT LISTEN TO THE PEOPLE WHO TELL ME TO BE ANOTHER WAY (yes, I am yelling) – BEING FREE to me is being how I am, not how I think I should be, how someone else thinks I should be, how I think I should be so no one gets mad, annoyed, upset, etc. Worrying about this stuff has caused me a lot of stress for no apparent reason, plus it’s impossible to keep other people happy. I know, I’ve tried and it doesn’t EVEN work…………ok, I’ll stop. Let’s try it again.
I can BE FREE. Trust myself. Accept how I am as perfect.
Well, this has been helpful. A new way to look at my BUSY weekend. Free, fun, connected, discovering……….
And, I can always go back to victim, suffering, worried, enduring, and surviving if I want to. Or if I just forget I have a choice.
Have a great weekend. Or not.