Third One – Feeling Exposed
I am totally on a roll. I can’t stop thinking about what I want to say in my next videos. I am really excited AND also feeling exposed. That’s what I discuss in this video so I won’t repeat it here.
I’ve been trying to speak publicly the last few months. My next and last attempt is this Thursday. It’s hard and so much more work and aggravation than these videos. This is fun, easy and quick and requires no one to show up.
My worry (of course – I couldn’t just enjoy something) is that this will be something I start and then forget about. And, so what if it is. I’ll do it until I don’t. It won’t mean anything.
Also, I am tempted to critique the hell out of these videos. I’m sniffing, my wrinkles, etc., but why? What good is that going to do except shut me down?
So I will resist the urge. I am really excited.
Another thing: I signed up for an on-line dating site that is free. My masseur yesterday is on it and met someone he’s been seeing. Also, because what I am trying to “change” is that I’m constrained around men. I could justify why I am, but I won’t bother to go there.
I figured why not sign up? I am not investing hundreds like last time. This way if I don’t like it, it’s no loss.
I am not going to try to change that I am constrained anymore. I am just going to be how ever I am. If I’m gun shy, maybe that’s a good thing. Trust my instincts a little more. Don’t ignore the signs THIS TIME!!!
So I’ve learned and I’m in the game. I’m embarrassed to say all that. Again, feeling exposed. That’s what I decided I am willing to risk. Being the “real me” and possibly being rejected, disappointed, or criticized. It’s scary but it’s also very exciting.
And that’s all good. Hope you’re having a great day. More to come.
Thanks for listening.