Yes, I just had to do it.
But it’s true. You will have to watch the video for that one. I really had a great time recording it.
Had so much fun. Very real.
Last night I was so mad at my ex. I could not see a way out of my torture.
I finally found freedom which I talk about on the video.
Also, I went shopping today for food. OMG. It’s like a sci fi movie. I know I’ve been lucky to have my son shop for me, but I really wanted Stew Leonard’s tuna salad. (I bought 3). I also bought 6 of the whole grain bagels that I love. I cut them into thirds and froze them. I think I am cheating on the points, thought. The pieces weigh 2 ounces which is 5 points and I only put them down for one ounce (2). UGH. I said I’d be honest so I will fix that. Bummer.
OK, I fixed it. I don’t want to start cheating again. That’s how I end up gaining weight. Lying to myself just doesn’t work.
I sometimes wonder if life will ever be “normal” again. Then I think “do I really want it to be?” Then I think, this is really fucked up. Then I think, I better just stop thinking because there’s no good alternative here:
stay alone forever
go back to how it was
who the fuck knows?
None of them seem too good, right?
OR, create your life the way you want it. Well, that’s what I am trying to do with my new self:
The Planning Genie
Except I googled genie and it said “feral child.” That’s not really a positive.
Well, I’ll just have to sit with it. It will probably change tomorrow.
Thanks for listening.