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My Policy: I Don’t

Last week a guy at the gym was talking to me. He asked me for my number. He is married.

I got a text later in the day: “The cat’s away, you wanna get a beer?”

I wrote back: “Not a good idea.”

He wrote: “Why?”

I wrote: “You have a cat.”

He wrote: “But she’s away.”

These exchanges took a while for me to respond to. After all, we are gym friends. What’s wrong with getting a beer?

But my instincts knew better. How would I feel if I was his wife? It could only cause trouble. I’m not interested in falling for another married guy. For WHAT? And for once, I listened.

So I wrote back: “Dude, if I gave you the impression that I hang out with married men, I apologize. My policy is: I don’t. Thank you for understanding.”

And I felt free.

I was also sad:

Why is it ok for him to pursue me when he’s married?

Why do I seem like someone who only deserves a married man?

Why has that been ok with me?

Why did I attract so many lying, married or taken men in the past?

I had a good cry. My whole past was there in the moment. I mourned. I grieved. I wondered.

And then I got proud. Good for me. I am someone who deserves an available, amazing man. Not a sleazy, lying married one.

This was the first time I stood for myself. This was a big moment for me. I feel different.

When I saw the guy this morning, it wasn’t even awkward. And when he said, “the invitation is still open,” I just said, “thank you, that’s very flattering.”

And that was that. Thanks for listening. Gotta get to work.

Have a great day!!!

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©2020 by Getting Real With Hilary.