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I Did It

Today I started out happy. It was great. Full of life, possibility and ready to conquer the world.

All it took was three little things and BOOM!

My thoughts change to:

Everything sucks. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m broke and will never make money. These videos are stupid. I’ll never publish my book. I’ll never find a guy. I’m fat….you know, the usual shit when I am in my down swing.

It was an immediate switch. Happy one minute, resigned and pathetic the next.

Here’s the thing.

I just spent the weekend listing all my incompletions. I created wonderful ways to take on my disappointments and create life:

  1. forgive and move on

  2. let it go and move on

  3. put the past in the past and create life in the present

  4. get over myself and enjoy my life by focusing on the positive

Aren’t those wonderful thoughts? I thought so way back when I made them this morning.

I had marked complete next to a bunch of these items. And I was complete this morning.

Now, however, I don’t think I am anymore. This afternoon I am calling myself a liar. I can say they are done as long as I am in a good mood. This afternoon I am not and so I hate everyone again, including myself. I have not moved on. I am still hating and resenting. I am VERY STUCK IN THE PAST, feeling hopeless and powerless.

Well, maybe not in reality. That’s just how it feels.

And, I look totally ugly on this video when it gets me in the wind and from the side. Just saying………

OK, I’m back. Had to change into my comfy bra.

I think the reason I have the headache is because I had too much coffee this morning. I got to a meeting and was going to switch to water. But, my associate had bought me a LARGE coffee cause that’s what I like and drink in the morning. So what did I do? I DRANK IT!!!

UGH!! Big mistake.

OK, I am going to close my eyes and try to relax and BE with the headache. Maybe that will work.

This video really made me laugh out loud. I was all over the place. Let me know if you laugh too!!! (Or if you think it’s dumb!!@!)

Asta La Vista.

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©2020 by Getting Real With Hilary.