I know, isn’t that terrible? But I couldn’t resist. And I thought it might get your attention. And, up until a half hour ago, that’s the way I felt.
I was just plain old having a pity party. It started yesterday when a couple of people told me they couldn’t come to my women’s empowerment event. One chink down. But ok, I’m strong, I can still do this powerfully. Not a problem.
Then this morning two people dropped out of my noon event at my house. Two chinks and I was no longer feeling the joy juice.
And then, I asked my last resort friend what she was doing for New Year’s and she was going into New York and had real plans with real friends.
And I was staying home alone. It hadn’t bothered me before. I was fine with it. I planned it that way. Got my prosecco, some food, my books, my computer and an unlimited stream of Hallmark movies. I GOT THIS!!!
All of a sudden, when my friend had real plans, I flat-lined. Something was very very wrong.
I was on the rower at the gym when I saw the text. I stopped smiling. My thoughts became different.
“My life sucks. I have no friends. I should have made plans but with who since I have no friends. Wah wah wah wah………It’s my fault. I do this all the time. No wonder I’m alone…………. ” and on and on.
I knew I didn’t want to go into the New Year this way. What could I do?
I called my coach on the way home from the gym. I vented and I cried and I deleted two pathetic messages where I filled up the whole three minutes with whining. I was almost going to hang up without leaving a message but I didn’t. So I started a third. I told him I was feeling sorry for myself. I felt like I couldn’t count on anyone and I was powerless and something was very wrong here. But I was no longer in it. I could see it instead.
And once I was in dialogue, even though it was with a voicemail, I could see it was very familiar. My old favorite disempowering driveway incident. It was amazing. And once I purged my negativity, I could see that I had a choice here.
I decided to shift into being grateful. I am grateful for my mother, my kids, my siblings, my beach house, my bonus, my job, my health, my ability to go to the gym,………….all you have to do is 17 seconds of gratefulness according to Abraham Hicks and you shift your vibration.
I started feeling different. I had a different energy. And I told my coach Happy New Year and hung up feeling like a new person.
Then I called my mom. To see if she wanted to come over for my noon event.
“Probably not,” she said. “But, I cancelled my plans. I want to do something with you tonight.”
Even sitting here, looking at the water, I have tears in my eyes. It’s not a romantic date. It’s not a $400 romantic dinner in Paris. But it’s plans with a person who loves me who changed her plans to be with me. And, as much as I get annoyed by her repetitive questions, I am lucky to have her. As much as I fail to be loving and patient with her sometimes, I know I am blessed to still have her around in the amazing physical and mental shape she is in for 88.
And all of a sudden I was filled with love, gratefulness and joy. Instead of making everything about my life wrong, I was filled with peace and serenity.
I would say that’s a miracle. I would also say by getting into dialogue and letting out what I didn’t think I should feel and definitely not say, I got to get free to create something new. I had my pity party, but instead of lasting 20 years, it was probably only about 5 minutes. That’s another miracle.
So, say what you don’t want to say, and keep spewing until there’s no more to spew. And then, Create your life. 2019 is almost here.
I love you. Thanks for listening. Let’s go into 2019 visualizing and creating everything we desire (you can’t say want for some reason) with fun, play and ease.
Happy New Year!!!!!