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Creating Life

I promised to “say something new” today. And have the people in my life create something new for themselves for their life.

And I find myself mad.

I’m mad because my son isn’t listening to me. And because the person I am meeting is late.

I think I get mad when I feel like I’m the ass hole.

And I feel like the ass hole when I feel like a jerk.

When do I feel like a jerk?

When I feel like I don’t matter. Irrelevant. I’m making it up just like when I’m hurt or embarrassed. It’s in my paradigm of I shouldn’t be the way I am. Because if I was, they:

  1. would be listening

  2. wouldn’t be late

  3. would understand what I’m talking about

  4. would buy AFLAC

  5. would come to my women’s empowerment event

  6. would be excited about WHATEVER I want them to be

So, isn’t that interesting? Basically everything triggers that paradigm. I get mad and frustrated and don’t want to play. I want to get even. I want them to be wrong. I want them to PAY!!!!!

But if the world was really one big loving community and everyone was perfect exactly the way they were, then none of this would be personal. I am perfect and they are perfect.

So, can I give it up and say something new? My first thought is I DON’T WANT TO!! I’d rather just be mad.

But, truthfully, mad is getting old and not really fun. It’s lonely and lacks connection.

So, I can say that I can tell the woman coming to meet me how happy I am to see her and thank her for all of her referrals.

And I can create something with my son instead of living in fear and judgement. I can give up that I know better and trust him to learn from his experiences (I didn’t say mistakes but I wanted to!!!).

And I can trust that Mark will find his way. I can honor my sadness but trust that this is his path. It’s not my problem and I don’t have to fix either of my boys.

And I can have fun with my mom. That’s all she wants. She wants to laugh and talk and be happy. Not such a bad thing.

So, I will say something new and Create today. And I’m giving up that I don’t know how and don’t have time.

Here she is. Gotta go!!!

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©2020 by Getting Real With Hilary.

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