I’ve been hearing a lot about this word. From all different places.
And then I hear what’s in the way of people being authentic.
“I cant’ say that!”
“I won’t say that!”
“Oh no, I would NEVER say that.”
“I tried it once, and I’ll NEVER do it again.”
And on and on.
Why can’t people be their real selves and say what’s there to say?
Good question and one I’ve been looking at for a while. There are so many ways to answer it and right now I’ll just give you an example:
I was talking to my ex about saying what can’t be said. His answer was:
“When I told you you weren’t my type, that didn’t work out very well. I am not going to try that again. Forget it.”
Well, duh. Because I got upset. Wouldn’t you if your wedding was three days away and your groom to be told you you weren’t his type?
I was triggered as you can probably imagine. But I can see now that IF we could have really worked through the conversation until we were both understanding where the other person was coming from, we could have figured out whether we should have gotten married at all. But we didn’t. I thought he was just nervous and glossed over this red flag and he decided never to be honest again.
If we could have discussed his comment, we might have understood each other better, not gotten married, or had a different marriage and not gotten divorced. Instead of 20 years of resentment, shame, and disappointment on my part.
I have been experimenting with this kind of communication lately. It does not always go well at first. It is not easy. It is not fun. It is not necessarily enjoyable. But if you can get to the other side, love and affinity are waiting.
I don’t think this kind of communication is common. And I am sure that neither of us were aware of or capable of it back then.
All I know now is, I’m sure willing to try it. It’s a hell of a lot better than making myself wrong and resenting the other person for years. It’s a temporary discomfort instead of a long term separateness.
More as I discover……………………………..Hope this made sense. Good night.