This weekend we were looking at what our lives are for.
My first take was:
that people are accepted exactly as they are
that people are free to be themselves in relationships
people are perfect as they are
people are connected
people interact with each other as their greatness
By Sunday, I was an emotional wreck. All I could think of was my friend, Fran, who I talk about on this video. A year ago she took her own life by jumping off a building in New York City.
If Fran had felt connected, and interacted with as her greatness, would it have made a difference? If she felt understood, would she have had options? Was that the only way to “escape her pain?”
I don’t know. I can’t answer those questions since:
I am not an expert in mental illness
I don’t know how Fran was feeling at the time
I can’t ask her
All I know is that sometimes I feel alone. And that no one can listen or understand. I don’t want to bother anyone by trying to communicate. I used to just stay by myself until I felt better. I didn’t want people to know I was upset.
I had the thought that ending my life might be easier, but I was never in danger of actually doing it. I never planned it or really gave it a second thought. But I did have the first thought.
I always knew that tomorrow would look different and all I had to do was go to sleep and wake up the next day. To new thoughts and a new outlook.
I don’t know how it was for Fran. I don’t think she was thinking that it would be better the next day. Or that it could get better on any day.
This video talks about my commitment to people feeling gotten and connected. I don’t know where this will go, but I felt the need to communicate my thoughts.
I miss you, Fran.
So here goes. It’s been a year since we lost our Fran. And she will always be missed.
Thanks for listening.