Am I surprised at my very negative reaction?
I guess I would like to think that I wouldn’t wish harm on someone. But it’s not true. Or maybe I’m just reacting to a perceived attack on myself.
I guess what I need to do is dissect the event to see what’s REALLY happening.
First I’ll give you the story:
1.Agent 1 wanted a transfer out of my district at work. She was asked by my boss to talk through the issues and work it out, but instead she lied to me and said the transfer was already granted. It was not. It pissed me off that she disregarded our boss’s instructions and got what the transfer anyway. Why should she get rewarded for not doing what she is asked? WTF?
2. Next, I get investigated by the AFLAC trust for something I didn’t do. I can only assume that it was agent 1 who reported me. It involved Agent 2, but she swore that she didn’t know anything about the allegations. Agent 2 remained in my district, I paid for her to network, gave her premium that she did not work for at my accounts, and treated her very nicely. She acted innocent, took the premium I give her, and acted like my best friend.
3. Last week I was told by another district that it wasn’t Agent 1 who reported me, but, according to Agent 1, Agent 2. That means that one of them is lying. Either the one that already left or the one I still have.
4. My new boss told me yesterday that Agent 2 now wants to transfer to work with Agent 1. All they had done is badmouth each other but ok, I guess that’s who they are. And, I should feel good riddance to both of them. Who needs the negativity? Who needs the lying and backstabbling?
5. So why am I so pissed? I guess because I don’t think that negative behavior and lying and not being willing to communicate should get rewarded. And I want them to suffer for making me look like the bad guy. I treated both of them very fairly and generously and this is what I get back? Fuck you. That’s how I feel. And, I wanted them to pay somehow. That’s what I was surprised at. That I wanted harm to come to these people and that’s not who I think I am.
6. But what if they are not responding to me? What if they are just blaming me for their lack of success and think that if they eliminate me, all will be great? And it either will be different, or it won’t. Agent #2 didn’t do anything anyway. and Agent #1 didn’t qualify for awards because her new clients didn’t pay their bills. So it really is better without them in reality.
7. So if Agent 2 thinks she can do better with Agent 1, God bless their reunion. Who cares? And if I really think about the time with her, she was full of false promises. She never opened the four accounts she said she was, and her three recruits never even took the test. In retrospect, I was investing in her without any return at all. Again, another reason to be happy she is gone.
8. So, I guess instead of harm, I can wish them both well. They truly do deserve each other – they can sneak, lie and back stab each other. What fun for them! And all the more reason to say ADIOS evil people!!!!
9. Out with the old, in with the new. And to top it off, I just got hit with a very negative reversal of premium from last year. It would have been better for it to have hit last year, when the mistake was made. But it didn’t. And, I can either give up because it all looks hopeless. And none of this is fair!!!! And be a victim!!!
10. Or, like a Phoenix, I can rise out of the ashes and BEAT THESE BITCHES ANYWAY!!!! No one puts BABY IN THE CORNER!!!!! I will recruit my little ass off and get some new blood and new premium and new accounts!! Enough being an angry, pathetic little victim!!!
11. Gotta go. Gotta get back on the phones!!!
Thanks for letting me work through this. I feel better already! I can now see that Agents 1 and 2 actually did me a favor. Thank you lovely ladies!!!!