I was in a course all weekend. I didn’t like some comments that people made to me. Nothing important, I was just embarrassed. They weren’t a big deal.
I shouldn’t have been upset, I thought. What is wrong with me? That’s just them. That’s the way they are.
But despite my argument with myself, I had the following thoughts:
I just won’t talk anymore.
I don’t like these people.
I’m not doing anymore videos.
I’ll just stay by myself. I don’t need people. Fuck them all.
This morning, however, I tried to sort through this. I didn’t really feel that happy about how I was dealing with this.
This is what I saw:
When I don’t like what someone says, I automatically become someone who can’t be free to be myself. Because I was myself and look what happened. I stop participating, make myself wrong and everyone else I talked to wrong as well.
This is a mechanism that keeps me from risking. It keeps me from playing big. It keeps me stuck in my own little world, safe from embarrassment, disappointment and failure.
And it’s a shitty world. I’m safe, but all alone.
I’m much more alive when I am going for it.
Downward Facing *******’s And Creating Freedom
This video attempts to describe my journey to freedom after spending the weekend in this NOT FREE place.
No biggie. It’s over now.
I’m just always trying to create freedom for myself and others so that we can all create lives that we love. The lives of our dreams.
I hope it creates some freedom for you, too.
I’ve got another video coming that I just recorded……….Right now I’m on hold for work.
OK, gotta go. She’s back on the phone.
Thanks for listening.