I just found out my son made a not so good choice last night.
I’m trying not to make him wrong.
I’m hoping there are not consequences to his action.
What else can I do?
I told him that I want to be able to trust his decisions. That I want to believe in him.
I guess what I didn’t say is that I don’t.
I think he’s careless and thoughtless. Chasing fun and not necessarily what I think he should be chasing.
He’s 23 and a grown up. He’s old enough to make his own decisions.
Or is he?
Did I do stupid things when I was young?
Were there any that left a permanent consequence?
Let me think.
Probably. But none that jump out. There was a club med when I was with more guys than I would like to admit to. There were nights that I drank too much and may have ended up with someone I didn’t know and didn’t remember. One night especially where I could have died. I woke up having thrown up in my bed. I was lucky I didn’t choke. I know, gross.
I was lucky many times. I walked through Harlem alone one night cause I was mad at a guy. I figured I was safe because I had such a nasty snarl on my face. Who was gonna mess with me?
I was lucky. I hope my son is too.
What can I do? I can pray. I can speak in a way that doesn’t make him wrong. I can pray that he will listen. That he won’t do the opposite like I used to do to my mom.
I guess he’s still a kid. Figuring out life. I can make sure he knows I love him unconditionally no matter how stupid he is.
OK, let’s try that again. I can make sure he knows I love him unconditionally.
That’s better, isn’t it? And I can say what can’t be said. “You fucking scare me sometimes with your lack of concern for possible consequences.”
That is being honest. Now I can breathe freely. That’s what I didn’t say.
OK, thanks. It helps me to work through this stuff. Otherwise I’m just stuck in uncomfortable body sensations and nasty thoughts. I feel way better. I’m going to go talk to him.
Have a great Sunday.