Yes, I just had to do it.

But it’s true. You will have to watch the video for that one. I really had a great time recording it.

Had so much fun. Very real.

Last night I was so mad at my ex. I could not see a way out of my torture.

I finally found freedom which I talk about on the video.

Also, I went shopping today for food. OMG. It’s like a sci fi movie. I know I’ve been lucky to have my son shop for me, but I really wanted Stew Leonard’s tuna salad. (I bought 3). I also bought 6 of the whole grain bagels that I love. I cut them into thirds and froze them. I think I am cheating on the points, thought. The pieces weigh 2 ounces which is 5 points and I only put them down for one ounce (2). UGH. I said I’d be honest so I will fix that. Bummer.

OK, I fixed it. I don’t want to start cheating again. That’s how I end up gaining weight. Lying to myself just doesn’t work.

I sometimes wonder if life will ever be “normal” again. Then I think “do I really want it to be?” Then I think, this is really fucked up. Then I think, I better just stop thinking because there’s no good alternative here:

  1. stay alone forever

  2. go back to how it was

  3. who the fuck knows?

None of them seem too good, right?

OR, create your life the way you want it. Well, that’s what I am trying to do with my new self:

  1. The Planning Genie

Except I googled genie and it said “feral child.” That’s not really a positive.

Well, I’ll just have to sit with it. It will probably change tomorrow.

Thanks for listening.

I work through a bunch of stuff in this video. Creating freedom while recording. Very powerful and very cool. Enjoy it!!

The other pictures were even worse – wait until you see the blue glasses!!

I had taken on “acceptance” this week. Yesterday I forgot and was NOT ACCEPTING anything.

Then, I realized I could accept “not accepting.” And then I got free.

I also used my “not resisting” technique to distinguish something HUGE. I’ve had a conversation that “no one cares” about me since the age of 2. It has seemed real and I have a bunch of evidence for it.

When I told my friend “curly,” (not his real name), that I didn’t think he cared, he was stupefied. He pointed out all the things that he wouldn’t be doing if he didn’t care.

“Wow,” I said. “I would never have looked at this from your point of view. That gives me a whole ‘nother way more empowering way to look at things. Thank you.” I finally relaxed and the fear was gone.

Then I had a conversation with someone else about my ex husband.

“When I married him, he was an Ivy League educated lawyer,” I said. “Not that that meant anything, but I never would have thought he’d be living at my mother’s house for free 26 years later. I’m embarrassed for him. That my family had to ask him to move out makes me feel a little sick. But, I guess it’s just what he’s doing right now. He’s not upset about it so why should I be?.”

I thought about it a little more.

“I guess if I don’t interact with him like he’s a pathetic loser, I could just accept him exactly how he is, without the story. He’s doing the best he can. I don’t need to take on other people’s opinions, or judgments as if they are the truth. I can just interact with him human to human.”

I continued. “I guess I can do the same thing with my mom. She is doing the best she can. She is happy. I can be sad when I’m sad, but let go of the story about it. Let go of that it shouldn’t be this way. ACCEPT IT.”

What a novel concept. Accept what’s so!!!!

Another thing: I am going to do the 21 day abundance meditation again. I will do it with my daughter and at least one friend starting Saturday. If anyone wants to do it, let me know. I just finished it and money was flowing in. It’s quite incredible. I want the money stream to keep coming!!!!

OK, gotta go call my mom. Have a great night.

Thanks for listening.

©2019 by Getting Real With Hilary.

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