I have been exploring this on my videos.
Is there an actual right? Is there a book of "right?" Is there some truth/right way to do things?
I think NOT!!! NO. NOT. NEVER!!
What precipitated this? Thanks for asking. I'll tell you.
I have had a hard time sleeping and sitting still. I haven't been able to calm myself with either meditation and visualization. My heart and thoughts have been racing.
What is wrong with me? I wondered.
Oh. I realized I am nervous. I guess I have a lot going on this week.
I have my book talk in 2 days for the Westport Public Library.
I have to move in 2 weeks.
I thought I was going to go to my mother's, but there's that COVID thing. How do I make sure she doesn't get it?
I have 3 new recruits at work, hired my interns, launched my web site, and have my son now living with me.
I haven't been present. I've been busy and in my head, trying to "get it right." So I don't get yelled at.
Who would yell? you ask.
My dad. And the funny part is that he died 3 years ago. So he can't yell at me. So while it makes no actual sense, it hasn't mattered. I've still been nervous. Old brain patterns and that sort of thing.
Now don't get me wrong. I loved my dad. He was a great, loving man. But if he didn't like something, he told you. And I didn't like the way he said it. I made it mean that I wasn't ok and that I better be careful so I wasn't criticized some more.
I hated it. And I was nervous around him.
I am declaring that construct OVER/COMPLETE. He's not even living. He CAN'T yell at me. So I am going to REINTERPRET my life right now on the fly. Ready?
My dad loved me and was very proud of me. He just always wanted me to be even better than I was. So he would give me constructive thoughts and suggestions. The way he delivered them was the best, most loving way he knew how. Because he got my greatness and didn't want me to be satisfied with "being average." I love you and miss you, Dad. Thanks for teaching me motivation, excellence and never being satisfied. These are great gifts. I will live into your pride and love and give them away to my children. You were the perfect dad for me.
Wow!! I feel freer. That was awesome. And now............
I can breathe. I can actually relax. I am no longer afraid to make a mistake.
I will make a list of what I need to do, schedule it, and HAVE SOME FUN.
That is what I am going to do now. In no particular order.
That was miraculous. My whole body has shifted. I had been stuck with that nervousness for several days. Wow!!
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Thanks for listening.